


You Could Hold Me, If It's Alright With You

by chiakuro



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, no ensemble square
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiakuro/pseuds/chiakuro
Summary: The concept of romance is the most intimidating thing Chiaki can think of. That's why it terrified him so much when he burst out of the world of vague wouldn't-it-be-nice fantasies, found himself a crush, and landed face first into an actual, real-life relationship.He can learn to do it right, though, can't he? Even if he's too afraid to even brush their hands together, he couldn't possibly screw it upthatbadly.
Relationships: Kiryuu Kurou/Morisawa Chiaki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	You Could Hold Me, If It's Alright With You

Chiaki’s life, at present time, is almost more exciting than he can handle. His career in acting has started to take off considerably in the past year. Though his jobs are still a little odd, not very different than the stunt doubling he's been doing for years, they're all unique and he has fun with every single one. He lives by himself in a nice apartment with a nice view that he's managed to keep somewhat clean. Everything’s been going better than he ever could’ve dreamed of. Some things he never expected to happen at all, and some things caught him by complete surprise.

Unexpected things, like the guy he started seeing a month and a half ago.

He’s never been in a relationship before, let alone with another man, but their relationship has been everything he's wanted. Sure, they haven't done anything like kissing or holding hands, he hasn't even been held tenderly in his arms, but Chiaki is fine with it. It's been like that so far for a reason. They've been busy, it's too soon, it's not the right time… but it's not because Chiaki's afraid of it. He hasn't been afraid of affection for a long time. It's not overwhelming and it's not important when his boyfriend is coming over to pick him up for a date any minute.

Chiaki looks himself up and down in the mirror while he buttons his shirt to check for any details he might have forgotten but finds nothing. All he has left to do is to layer himself up all cozy in a jacket and put on his shoes. He walks out of the bathroom, feels his right ear and turns right back around.

He _did_ forget he wants to put on the earring his boyfriend bought him.

He'd given him another earring a long time ago, saying something about how it'd be a shame to let his piercing close up, but this one is much prettier. Though it's actually just as plain, this one was a gift from his boyfriend _as_ his boyfriend. It's special. He only pokes himself twice putting it in, which is a personal record. Even when he's so strapped for time, he can't help but smile at himself in the mirror. He rushes out of the bathroom and then his front door before he even manages to fit his heels into his sneakers.

Chiaki checks his phone while he leaps down two steps at a time. Judging by the fact that it's only five minutes until three o'clock and the timestamp of his boyfriend's obligatory "I'm on my way" text, he should be in front of the building any minute. He barrels through the front door of his complex without looking and catches someone familiar coming in through the other door. They both stop in their tracks.

"Morisawa? What're you running for?" Kiryu asks.

His boyfriend is here already. "Kiryu! I'm so sorry, were you waiting for long?"

"No? I just got here. I said I'd pick you up, remember?"

"Of course I remembered, so I was in a big rush to meet you downstairs! I really didn't want to keep you waiting."

"I assumed I was coming to your door. Are you keepin' me outside like some dog now? It's fuckin' cold out there, y'know."

Chiaki sputters for a few seconds. "N-no, you can come inside, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking! I don't know why I…" He raises his hands and waves them. "You can come to my place, you're not a dog!"

Kiryu chuckles softly. "I know that already. Can we go?"

Chiaki's embarrassment, and the cold air he's letting in, for that matter, catches up to his face. "Yes! Let's go, now!"

After a fierce back and forth discussion regarding their plans and commitments they had a few days before, spurned from an intense desire to spend even a little time together, Chiaki and Kiryu managed to scrounge up _two entire hours_ of free time in each other's schedules that lined up. The existence of those two crucial hours that hadn't already been filled with work obligations and date-sensitive plans was the greatest, and still is the greatest news Chiaki has received for his entire hellishly backed up week. It's not time enough to do much but sit and enjoy each other's company, but it's two hours of heaven when compared to nothing.

The cute little coffee shop Kiryu had pointed out before had to be the perfect place to spend time at. In the midst of conversation, Kiryu smiles and Chiaki stops to sip his coffee. His smile rips all his words away from him and all he can do is give him this longing gaze. He's beautiful, he really is, but Chiaki can't understand why he still gets this fluttery feeling in his stomach when his thoughts drift away into uncharted territory. He freezes up when he thinks of telling him how his smile takes his breath away, and even worse when he goes further and thinks of how nice it would be to have it closer to him, as close as it could get, close enough for their smiles to press up against each other.

Kiryu stops smiling to look surprised instead. "Are you alright?" He asks. "Your face is all red."

"I'm fine! It's justー it's cold outside, it's warm in here, and, and, this coffee!" Chiaki points to his cup for emphasis. "It's hot! Wow! And delicious!"

"Ah. Warm up properly, then. I don't want you catching a cold."

Chiaki nods. "Of course! It'd be terrible."

Even though Chiaki's well-versed enough in lying to cover it up, he tries to refrain from thinking of anything mushy through the rest of their date.

Chiaki checks his phone and frowns after discovering most of their two hours has already passed. If they spend even one more minute sitting around then Kiryu won't even be able to take Chiaki home without being late to his appointment, and no matter how many times Kiryu tries to convince him it's fine if he gets there late he'd rather keep him from getting lectured. He especially doesn't want the lecture to be his fault.

While Chiaki's career _has_ been picking up, the past week or two he's had that were devoid of any vacancy wasn't typical for him. They both had the time to go out multiple times a week for the first few, excluding the very first week. He can't find it in himself to complain, but he wishes he could.

It isn't fair that he suddenly can't catch a break now that he finally has the opportunity to experience love. It's so new and still so scarce, even the littlest bit of it is making it feel like his heart's going to have too much, pop, and rain confetti all over the street and any passing civilians, because every time he sees Kiryu his heart fills with this gooey feeling he’s never felt before and he doesn't have any idea what he's supposed to do with it.

So he walks back to his complex, just a foot of distance separating him and Kiryu. Kiryu’s shoulder brushes up against his and Chiaki jerks himself away to more of a two foot distance.

He _really_ doesn't know what he's supposed to do.

Chiaki's eyes dart over to Kiryu’s face. He didn’t seem to notice or care that he jumped. He looks lower to the Kiryu’s shoulder, and then lower, to his hand. His hand is swinging back and forth like it owns the place, like it knows what Chiaki is thinking of doing, but he can't afford to let his secret come out, not so soon. Definitely not now, and definitely not because he's afraid, because this doesn't scare him atー

“We’re on your street,” Kiryu says, his voice jerking Chiaki out of his thoughts.

Chiaki jumps from the interruption. “Yes! We are,” he barks out.

“Yeah. We are.” Kiryu laughs. “It’s funny. My route here always comes out the other side, so I guess I've never walked you home from this side when it was still light out, ‘cuz I don’t recognize a damn thing. We’re almost there, though, right?”

“Don’t worry, we’re almost there. It’s just a few more buildings before we end up in front of my complex.”

Kiryu hums in response.

Chiaki looks at the ground. “If you always walk me home in the dark, that just makes me wonder why we couldn't stay out any later.”

Chiaki and Kiryu stop in front of the path leading to his apartment building. “You can't say that when we both know it has to be this way. Believe me, I'd ditch this stupid thing for you if I could.”

Chiaki sighs wistfully. “You’re right with that first one, but I really don't want you to do anything crazy for me. I had enough fun for one day. I think you could say I had enough fun for three days!”

“That so? I’ll be sure to hold you ‘til dark next time, ‘nd then we can see how many days worth of fun we get out of that,” Kiryu says with a smile.

“Next time…” Chiaki smiles back at him. “When’s that supposed to be?”

“Gotta crunch those numbers again when I get home.”

Chiaki’s eyes, again, are caught on Kiryu’s hands. Even now, one of them is in perfect, tempting reach of his own hands, and before he knows it he’s already reaching to grab it. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do with this, either. His heart is on fire. Chiaki panics, shakes Kiryu’s hand up and down and furrows his brows in disappointment of himself. “Good luck!”

Kiryu chuckles. “You’re so weird sometimes… I'll text you when I get a minute.”

Kiryu waves while he walks away, and Chiaki feels like an idiot.

He might be a little scared.

ーー

Less than two weeks later, Chiaki is getting ready again. It’s two-forty-six in the afternoon, and Chiaki has plans to see his old friends from high school, Hakaze and Sena. Chiaki’s phone buzzes in his pocket. “Hey!” He shouts after accepting the call.

“Hey, Moricchi,” Hakaze’s voice spills out from Chiaki’s phone. “Are you ready to come over yet?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah! Well, almost,” Chiaki says as he jumps onto his couch. He leans over himself to put on his shoes. “Have you decided what we’re doing?”

“I figure we should all go out for dinner. You know, catch up over some food.”

“Dinner sounds great!” Chiaki ties one shoe and heads to the other. “I reallyー”

A loud, muffled sound comes from Hakaze’s end of the call, “I know. I know! What do you want me to do about it,” Hakaze probably says. His voice sounds much further away than it did a minute ago. “Fine. Whatever.”

“Hakaze? Are you alright? I’ll come faster if I have to.”

“I’m fine, but you should come as soon as possible. I just picked him up last night and he’s already driving me crazy.”

“Him?” Chiaki grabs his keys and rushes out of his front door. “Oh, I forgot! Sena’s already there with you, right?

“Whatever you’re expecting from him, put your hopes a little lower, because as far as I can tell he’s still exactly the same.”

Chiaki laughs. “What if that’s what I hoped for?”

“You have too much faith in him," Hakaze sighs. "Senacchi wants you to come bring us lunch, for whatever reason, even though he doesn’t want any for himself.”

“Oh, alright! I can do that on the way. Seriously, he is so considerate of us!”

Hakaze gags and hangs up the phone before Chiaki has a chance to ask what he’s even supposed to be getting.

ーー

Chiaki knocks on the door with the back of his knuckles. He hears indistinct shouts from the other side, but the door isn’t answered, so he knocks again.

“Are you really going to make me get it?! God!” A voice yells from inside. The door swings open within a moment.

“Sena!” Chiaki shouts right away.

“I’m sorry, but were you invited?” Sena asks with a blank face. His eyes suddenly widen in horror. “Wait a second, what the hellー” 

Chiaki laughs. “Don't be silly! I’m always invited here, and you’re always invited riiight here!” He opens his arms wide and advances towards Sena, gripping him tightly before he can show any of his usual signs of protest.

“What the hell? Let go of me, you moron!” Sena smacks Chiaki on the back with an open palm. It’s impossible to tell if its because the hug is too distracting or because Sena looks to be the same lightweight he used to be, but Chiaki feels no pain. 

No pain, only hug. Chiaki squeezes tighter.

Sena makes a strained gurgling sound. “Stop! Let go! I can’tー” Sena attempts to pry Chiaki off of him. “You’re rubbing food against my back, for christ sakes!”

“Food?” Chiaki echoes. He lets Sena go and he all but falls onto the floor. “I forgot I was holding our lunch, sorry! Hopefully the food, and, uh, you are unscathed.”

“So I’m only an afterthought? I come second to food to you?!”

“No, why would you say that?”

Sena grits his teeth and raises his right arm, but a hand pops up from behind the door and grabs his wrist before it can come down.

“Let him come in and plead his case before you start swinging, will you?!” Hakaze sighs. “Not that I approve of you killing him in the first place, but I should at least get some of his food before you go through with it. I’m starving.”

“Hakaze!” Chiaki dives in for two-hug combo.

Hakaze throws both his hands in front of him and holds Chiaki at bay via his cheeks. “No! No, no, no, not again. No! I do not consent!”

“Do you agree with me yet?” Sena sneers.

Hakaze retracts his hands and shakes them off. “Let me think about it,” he replies. 

“If it helps you two’s decision, killing me would actually make it easier to get my food rather than impossible, like you implied. I don’t think I’m capable of taking it with me to the afterlife, but, then again, it’s not like I’ve tried.”

“Excuse me? Just why are you on our side?” Sena asks incredulously.

“Wait, let him finish, he makes a good point,” Hakaze says. “I’ve actually never wanted to murder somebody more.”

“Cool, nobody’s ever said that about me before!” Chiaki pauses. “No, sorry, lied on accident. I used to hear that from Takamine every day.”

“Can you just get your dumb ass inside already? I’m sick of this. I’m really close to just making you leave,” Sena says. He smacks the back of Chiaki's head after he squeezes in the door. “And who gave you permission to change your hair? I know it wasn’t me.”

“My hair?” Chiaki looks up as if it’s even possible for him to look at his own hair. He opts for rubbing where he was just smacked instead. “I didn’t really change it, did I? It’s just a little shorter.”

“Don’t try to sell me that “a little” shit. You might as well have chopped it all off.” Sena flicks Chiaki’s somewhat exposed forehead. “Without my permission! How could you?!” He enunciates through gritted teeth.

Hakaze steals the bag of food from Chiaki’s hands while he’s busy with being assaulted and taking off his shoes. He peers inside of it and scrunches up his face. “Ah, Moricchi… See, I’m not surprised, just disappointed.”

“You’re disappointed in me, too? Even though you didn’t tell me what you wanted.”

“I admit that it is my fault. I knew the consequences of being unspecific.” Hakaze rifles through the bag. “Dude… did you even get me any, or did you just get yourself extra fries?”

Chiaki plops down on Hakaze’s sectional couch. “I’m still pretty full from breakfast, so I just got myself some fries. The rest is all yours!”

Hakaze grumbles and settles down a good few feet away from Chiaki. “If you say so. Thanks for the food.”

The three of them spend a good bit of time catching up, reminiscing, joking and shouting. He hadn’t stopped to think about how much he missed times like this. As much as Chiaki’s life changed within a few years, he realizes among their empty threats, laughing fits and scrunched up faces that there’s even more that stayed the same.

“They really do that in Italy? Here I thought that was just some meme,” Hakaze says with wide, avoidant eyes.

“It’s not like it’s weird, so why would you even assume someone made it up for a quick laugh?” Sena raises his arms with his palms facing up in disbelief. “What the fresh hell is actually wrong with you?”

“I don’t know a damn thing about all that European stuff, that’s what’s wrong with me! Sorry for still living in Japan even though it’s so out of style now!”

“Hakaze, are you gonna finish that?” Chiaki asks with his hand pointing at Hakaze’s fries.

“God damn it.” Hakaze slams his hand against the couch and turns to look Chiaki straight in the eyes. “I knew it. I knew the second you showed up with just some fries for yourself, spinning your tale about your so-called big breakfast and how you didn’t need a lot for lunch, you’d be on top of my food before you even finished chewing yours.”

“What do you mean? Your food’s been sitting there untouched for twenty minutes, maybe, and I know you don't like them after they get cold.” Chiaki pouts. “All I’m trying to do is help you finish it.”

“You two disgust me. Your little conversation is opening my eyes to the fact that I truly could’ve found no better use of my limited time in Japan than when I agreed to watch you two shovel food in your mouths and then argue whose turn it is with the shovel,” Sena says.

“So you’re trying to tell me you suddenly don’t like to see people argue?” Hakaze asks.

“No, he just said he’s enjoying this, didn’t he?” Chiaki asks while he shoves his hand in Hakaze’s food.

“Moricchi… No. Let me handle this.” Hakaze slumps over and stares right at Sena. “You love us.”

“Wrong. I hate you,” Sena replies in an instant.

“You hate your diet,” Hakaze says just as fast.

Sena throws a pillow at Hakaze and he throws one right back. Sena scoffs. “You know, I really should just leave now. If the atmosphere’s this botched there’s nothing to keep me here, considering the sense of design in your cramped little barn is foul enough to make my eyes water. Really, my eyes are watering. There are tears in my eyes, Kao-kun. Saving myself some hotel money could never be worth this torture.”

“Cry all you want.” Hakaze leans back on the couch. “I’ll just hang with Moricchi without you.”

“Stop,” Chiaki interrupts, “I wanna hang out with Sena! It doesn’t matter to me if he doesn’t understand how cool and rugged your place is, or if he doesn’t think it’s cute when his friends eat all messy. I mean, how long is it even gonna be until I see him again?”

Sena swirls his hand. “Seems I’ve no choice but no stay. And, you know what, I just might forgive you for that monstrous hug you gave me before I could even let you in the door earlier.”

Hakaze chortles. “You have been really aggressive with the hugs lately, huh, Moricchi?”

Hakaze looks at Chiaki. Chiaki widens his eyes and they shoot between Hakaze and Sena. “Uhh,” he supplies suspiciously.

“Jesus. Do I want to know why he looks so suspicious all of a sudden?” Sena asks.

“Hmm…” Hakaze brings his hand up to his mouth. “I’m not going to pretend like I’ve seen Moricchi a ton since high school, but when I saw him last week it felt like he was trying to strangle me in his grip. He hugged me like that more than once in the same day, too. I think it was three times, but I can’t be sure. I mean, God, I could’ve blacked out during one of them and had no memory he even did it to me.”

Chiaki throws his hands in the air. “I’m not some suspicious person, so I don’t feel comfortable with you guys talking about me as if I’m not right here!”

“And I’m not comfortable with boa constrictors masquerading in human flesh, and yet here you are, sitting on my couch, laying on my pillows, eating my food,” Hakaze trails off. “Actually, it’s kind of like I have two snakes in my house right now.”

Sena nails Hakaze in the head with another pillow. “Just when I thought the service in this run-down place was as piss-poor as it could get, you refer to me like I’m an animal!”

“Stop throwing things at me and I won’t call you an animal!”

“I warned you that you were in his throwing range, Hakaze, but you sat there anyway.”

Hakaze lays down on his side. “Even my dear, sweet Moricchi thinks it’s my fault…”

“Nobody cares about your hurt feelings. Though I, personally, am suddenly very eager to shift our little conversational topic to what you two have been up to in my absence.”

“My career’s going along great right now!” Chiaki exclaims in response.

“Yay for you, but you went off on that tangent already. I want to know about your personal life, idiot.”

“Personal…? Nothing’s happened to me.”

“Nothing… Kao-kun, pouting doesn’t flatter you at all.” Sena spoons the last of the yogurt he brought himself out of its fancy little glass jar and pops it in his mouth. “Get up and tell me what he’s hiding from me.”

“I’m not going to spill his secrets right in front of him? I don’t even know what’s wrong with him.”

Sena picks up another pillow and rears his arm back.

“Stop it! Jesus christ,” Hakaze sits up straight. “The only secret of his I have is something I wouldn’t tell you if I were in his shoes either. So, you can throw as many pillows at me as you want, but it’s not coming out of my mouth.”

Sena looks directly at Chiaki. “Tell me or he gets a thousand pillows to the throat.”

Chiaki feels an arrow fly through his chest. “I have a boyfriend,” he blurts out without thinking.

Sena gasps, loud. He gasps as if he’s getting ready to start some new fad diet that leaves him going the next two hours without intaking one bit of air, which wouldn’t even be the worst diet he’d taken on. “Chi-kun came out of the closet?!” He gets up from his seat across from them and, though his eyes are focused on Chiaki’s, he beats Hakaze with the pillow he’s grasping. “How long have you been seeing him?”

Chiaki dives across the couch to the flailing Hakaze’s rescue. “Hey, stop it! Why are you hitting him?!”

Sena turns slightly and wacks Chiaki in the face. Chiaki stops and blinks, as if his body forgot in an instant every other function it had used in the past.

“You’re hitting Moricchi now?! That’s a new low, even for you.” Hakaze swipes around and tries to grab Sena’s weapon. “Give meー Get rid of that damn pillow!”

“How am I going to get answers if I give this up?”

“That is literally the only way you’ll get answers!”

Sena huffs and throws the pillow across the room. “Look! No more pillow, and yet I still want details. Pronto!”

Chiaki stops blinking entirely while his system reboots. “We’ve been together for two months by now,” he spits out like an ATM.

“Two whole _months_?! And can you explain why you didn't think, at any time during this period, to tell me about it? Do you have any idea how important you and Kao-kun’s long, painful, excruciatingly long journey of discovering yourselves is to me?”

Hakaze swings at Sena again. “Stop telling people I’m gay!”

“Chi-kun already knows you’re gay because he’s smart. Wait, that’s not true, I take it back. The dumbest person in the world could tell you were both buried in the closet.” Sena looks back at Chiaki. “Do I know him? Should I? Do I want to?”

Chiaki’s brain comes back to the moment with him but he still blinks as fast as his heart is beating, which is to say, rapidly. “Do you remember Kiryu?”

“Kiryu?! You really chose that big and mean looking brute?!”

“Don’t talk about him like that! We’ve been good friends for a long time now.”

“Don’t take it personally, I mean, I’m in shock here.” Sena shakes his head violently before he stops, taps his lip and looks at the ceiling. “You’ve only been with him for two pitifully short months, correct? So I do need to know every single little detail about your little relationship. Why him, why now, and again, why didn’t you want to tell me?”

“You just beat me with a pillow right in front of him over a secret I harbored for four days and you want to wonder why we keep things from you?” Hakaze replies.

“It’s true. I’d be more motivated if Sena promised there won’t be any more beatings during our hangout session,” Chiaki says.

Sena scoffs and crosses his arms. “As long as I get the information I’m looking for I won’t lay my hands on any more pillows. If you’re not going to talk, though…”

“Then we have a truce? Okay, that’s perfect. I have no choice but to tell you guys now, but…” Chiaki rubs the back of his neck. “It’s an embarrassing story that I wouldn’t want to tell any living soul if it wasn’t absolutely necessary…! You guys are seriously gonna think I’m dumb for this one.”

ーー

On an otherwise normal day, Chiaki was at his place hanging around on his couch with Kiryu. They hung out a good bit in the weeks before and the atmosphere was comfortable and relaxing. The comfort, however, started to plant ideas in Chiaki’s head; concepts his brain had been rehashing over and over for more than a month.

His eyes trailed away from the television and over to Kiryu, who was sitting at the other end of the couch wrapped up in his own personal work regarding a job he’d accepted at Chiaki’s recommendation. His eyes were focused on something on his phone, then they slid over to the paper he was writing on, then back to his phone, back to the paper. Chiaki watched him repeat the same motions with only subtle changes for a few minutes before Kiryu’s eyes stopped at a third and unexpected destination.

“What’s up, Morisawa?” Kiryu asked, looking Chiaki in the same eyes he’d been using to unabashedly stare at Kiryu. “You bored already? I thought you said you’d still be interested in this season even though you already watched it.” 

Chiaki jumped. “Nothing. Nothing at all is up.”

“It’s ‘cuz I ain’t paying attention like I said I would, right? I’m sorry.”

“No no, it’s not the fault of the show, or you for that matter, it’s still excellent! It really hasn’t got anything to do with it. I was just… I was thinking about something. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and I guess I spaced out. Sorry to stare, but that sounds like a normal enough occurrence to not be worth any concern or further comment if I’ve ever seen one!”

“No, I’m actually pretty interested in hearin’ what you could be thinking about that’d make you stare at me like that. You know you can come to me about anything that’s weighing on your mind.”

Chiaki’s eyes landed right back on the television. “Of course, I would love to talk to you about my problems if I had any. It’s just too bad that everything is fine, as I don’t have anything to confide in you about.”

“Okay. You can tell me it’s not a problem if you want, but if you’re lookin’ at me and thinking things while you’re lookin’ at me then I think I have a right to hear about my business.”

“I was just wondering something, is all. That’s it.”

“Well? Spit it out already.”

“Okay… No other option, I guess.” Chiaki attempted to nonchalantly cover half his face with his hands. “Aren’t you still single?”

“Yeah.” Kiryu set the notebook on his lap down on the table next to him. “What about it? Is that what you’ve been stressing over lately?”

“I am not stressed about your love life one bit!”

“You said you’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.”

“I… It’s true, I have been! Yes, I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve just been wondering, like, while we’ve been hanging out lately, I’ve been wondering…” Chiaki looked back at Kiryu, processed the confused and somewhat irritated look on his face, and escaped back to the television right away. “I don’t get how a guy like you could be single. I really don’t get it!”

“I’m sorry to hear that my relationship status is that big of an issue for you, but I got my own personal reasons for that.”

“Of course! Of course, you’d have to, or else I _really_ just wouldn’t get it. Any guy would be so lucky to have you.” Chiaki laughed a forced, awkward laugh. “If I were a guyー well, I am a guy, so I mean, if I _liked_ guys, I would be so, so lucky to be with you, like, in _that_ way. Any guy would, I'm sure!"

Kiryu stared at Chiaki, his face expressing confusion and frustration, but it was too late to stop.

"I’m sure every normal straight guy like me who’s ever met you has thought, at one point, like, “Hey, I’d be so lucky to be with that guy! This guy, you know, he happens to be gay, and he’s just so great!” Andー"

“What are you talking about?” Kiryu interrupted. “You’re starting to make me uncomfortable.”

Chiaki choked out another laugh. “I’m sorry, forget about all of that. I doubt it was coherent enough to even remember. Don’t even know what I said.”

“If you say not to, then I won’t read into it even if your face looks a second away from catching fire.”

Chiaki turned up the television and covered his face in vain. “Thanks.”

They sat for a good few minutes without either speaking up again while Chiaki kicked himself for being a big-mouthed idiot.

It was awkward. It was so painfully awkward.

Chiaki had to figure out how to salvage the situation, but after all the private thoughts he ended up letting out while he left his mouth running, the only solution he could think of was telling the truth he’d been trying to run from. The truth he hadn’t had enough time to mull over yet, the truth he would never have enough time to mull over in his lifetime.

Kiryu checked the time on his phone and stood up from the couch. “This is probably a good time to bounce.”

Chiaki jolted out of his thoughts. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah. It’s gotten pretty late ‘nd I don’t got the luxury of staying up as late as I used to.”

“Alright, then.” Chiaki frowned and watched Kiryu walk past him. “Since it’s already dark, can you text me when you get home safe?”

“‘Course. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later! Love you!”

Kiryu walked out the door and Chiaki collapsed on his side in time with it closing. There was an annoying, nagging feeling in his brain telling him he couldn’t afford to let him leave like that, and it made him feel like crying. He stewed in it for only a few short moments before he willed himself to his feet and ran to the door.

“Kiryu, wait!” He shouted down the hallway.

Luckily, Kiryu hadn’t gotten very far at all. He looked back at Chiaki. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry to take up more of your time, but can you come back? There’s actually something really important I have to tell you, and I don’t think it can wait at this point. I might explode.”

Kiryu turned around and walked back to Chiaki’s door. “I’ve always got time to hear you out. You know I’ve been waitin’ for you to rely on me this whole time, stupid.”

“It’ll be quick, hopefully.”

Kiryu walked into the doorway and rested his arm on one side of it. “Like I said, doesn’t have to be.”

Chiaki smiled. “The truth is…” His nerves were strung tight enough to snap, but he left himself with no chance to escape. There couldn’t have been any better setting to force the words out of his mouth. “I think I… Like you.”

Kiryu's eyes widened and his lips crinkled. “...You just said that a minute ago, didn’t you?”

“No, like, a different like. It’s like… I like you, and I want to go out with you.”

Chiaki remembers the flustered and confused look on Kiryu’s face like he saw it just yesterday. He wouldn't be able to get it out of his head even if he tried.

“That’s it?” Sena asks.

“Yeah. He told me he had already liked me for a long time at that point, which was really exciting and really frustrating at the same time,” Chiaki says. “…I really don’t know how long I had been waiting to hear those three simple words roll out of his mouth. It felt incredible, like I’d been waiting for him my whole life.”

“That’s really touching. You might just move me to tears,” Hakaze says.

“Really? It’s really romantic, I know, but it still makes me feel so warm and fuzzy to hear you think so too…!”

“I was trying to be mean, but now I feel bad.”

Sena looks Chiaki in the eyes. “You are a genuine idiot,” he says. “You’re a record winning idiot, though. I have never heard a worse confession from any of the love lives I’ve poked my nose in.”

“Aw, you guys are gonna make me blush.”

“Are you even listening to me right now?” Sena asks.

“You can’t ask him to start reminiscing and listen to us at the same time. His brain’s on the wrong track right now. But, while he’s telling us secrets…” Hakaze pauses. “If Moricchi’s got a boyfriend, then I really don’t get why he has to be hugging hard enough to extract every last molecule of warmth and love out of us. What gives?”

"Right, umm… About that…" Chiaki trails off.

"Don't act like this is hard to explain."

“It kind of is? I’m sorry, but I’m seriously desperate for hugs right now."

"So? Go hug your boyfriend."

“I would if I could, but I can’t!”

“You… You can’t hug him? You’re not hugging him?” Hakaze rests his head in his hand and sighs. “Why in the hell would you not be hugging him?”

“Answering that is kind of complicated, and if you’ll believe it or not, even more embarrassing.” Chiaki looks at the ceiling. “Yeah, that story’s even more embarrassing.”

“You need to hurry up and tell us. With your first story out of the way, the dinner reservation I made for us is coming up in an hour and a half,” Sena replies. “If you start it then I’m not leaving until I hear the rest of it, so if you start too late we’ll miss the reservation, and you know how much I hate missing reservations.”

“Am I gonna get to hear any of you guys’s embarrassing stories, or am I just gonna be forced to tell mine for the whole night?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Hakaze says.

“Okay, fine. I’ll spill all my deepest secrets to you guys, since you’re my best friends and I love you. Since Sena blocked my phone number even before he even moved abroad, I can’t possibly tell when my next opportunity to tell him about this will be anyway.” Chiaki furrows his brows. “The truth is, when we're together, he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, and I _want_ to hug him, I want it really really bad, but… I’m too scared to touch him. I mean, it feels weird to say I’m afraid of it, but… I haven’t hugged him once since we started… going out."

"You aren't explaining anything," Sena huffs.

"I mean… There's these milestones in relationships, right? Like your first kiss and stuff… I'm all up in my own head that I'm going to completely ruin them if I get greedy and pick the wrong time to do something, and he isn't making any moves or anything, so I'm probably not even allowed to. Like, will he get mad? Is he still gonna like me? I really don't know anymore, because the only contact we've had that wasn’t on accident… didn’t go well.”

ーー

Kiryu, after their date was over and done with, was walking Chiaki back to his apartment. Their date wouldn't look particularly special to anybody else, but being the third date of his whole life, Chiaki loved every second of it. He loved every step they took on their way there and he loved every step they took on the way home. He caught his eyes drifting away every few minutes to admire the changing colors of the trees, but they didn’t stray away long. Kiryu standing by his side was more enchanting to him than any scenery. Their walk ended far too soon, so Chiaki found himself trying to extend it.

“Could I be selfish and ask you to come upstairs and walk me all the way to my door?” Chiaki asked.

“That sounds more like me bein’ selfish, but of course I will.”

They dredged up the stairs together, stopping multiple times to laugh and curse about how high up Chiaki’s floor was. 

“These stairs are so fuckin’ absurd. Can’t believe I trick myself into thinking the elevator’s just there for all the lazy tenants every time I come here.”

“I really should use it more. I would say I take it for granted, but can you really say that about something you don’t use?”

“No, I think you do. I can count all the places I been to that’re fancy enough to have an elevator on one hand. Can you really afford this place?”

“I can! I promise I’m not barely scraping by or anything like that. After all, my room is… a _lot_ smaller than all the other ones. Like, have you seen any of them? I figure the cheaper ones were put so far up either because they were built as an afterthought or so it’s an incentive for you to rent one of the more expensive ones instead.”

“Bastards. The shit works.”

Even after an extensive workout, they were in front of Chiaki’s door too soon. They talked more, somehow uncovering burning topics they hadn’t already covered, but they stood there even after their conversations had been siphoned dry.

Kiryu smiled as his eyes flicked across Chiaki’s face.

“What’s wrong?” Chiaki asked. He turned his face a smidge away from Kiryu. “No! Don’t tell me I’ve had food stuck to my face this whole time.”

“It’s not that. I just now noticed your hair’s getting all overgrown,” Kiryu said. His hand reached up and gently swept a few stray hairs off Chiaki’s forehead. "It looks cute."

Chiaki’s body short-circuited but Kiryu’s hand didn’t leave. It hovered over the side of his face, Kiryu leaning in closer along with it, before tucking a bunch of loose strands behind Chiaki’s ear. It seemed like Kiryu was trying to move it further to the back of his head, but Chiaki was only able to tell because the sensation of his fingers gracing the back of his neck made his head jerk back. His head slammed back against the door, hard, and Kiryu’s fingers got caught in between the collision.

Kiryu retracted his hand and cursed.

Chiaki didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t possibly know what to do in response to him trampling over something so sweet and innocent with muddy soles, so he found himself doing the wrong thing before he had a chance to think. He opened his door and slipped inside since he had the hindsight to unlock it while they were caught up in their conversation. “Thank you, good night, I’ll text you!” Chiaki exclaimed before slamming the door.

Chiaki rubbed his head, pressed his back against the door and slid down it until his ass hit the floor. His head hurt and his whole body felt red hot, but his face was even hotter, temping at approximately three-hundred-and-ten degrees celsius. It was hot enough to invent a new color only butterflies could see.

“The day after that I got my hair cut, and I ended up getting it trimmed a good bit shorter than I usually do. He hasn’t so much as tried to put his hand on my shoulder since then. That’s the whole story! Shorter than the other one, right?” Chiaki finishes.

“Oh, God. That’s what happened to your hair?” Hakaze asks.

“Yeah, that’s it. I figured if it was bad enough for him to notice he’d be glad to see it gone, but he never even mentioned I got it cut. He just kind of looked at me with this… look in his eyes. It felt weird.”

“Dude. Do you even realize what you did?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Sena shouts. “You smash a guy’s fingers one time and, oh look, all of a sudden you decide you can not only forgo any sense of traditional romance, but you can also change your hairstyle without even informing me!”

“I mean… I think it’s more complicated than that. I was feeling a little weird about it before that too, but I _really_ feel like I’m not allowed to put my hands near him now.”

“Don’t ignore me! Apologize properly!”

Hakaze shushes Sena. Sena sticks out his tongue and puts up his middle finger, to which Hakaze rolls his eyes. “Moricchi. Do you actually think he’d be in a relationship with you if he wasn’t okay with you holding him? Like, did you never hug him before?”

“I used to hug him at least once every time we hung out, of course. He’s just about the only person who bothers to hug me harder than I hug him.”

“It all makes perfect sense now. And by that, of course, I mean you’re an idiot,” Sena says. “You’re putting the both of you through withdrawals just because you defied everyone's expectations and didn’t apologize one time.”

“For real. Dude’s probably dying for some Moricchi brand hugs right now.”

“No! Do you really think so?!” Chiaki exclaims.

“I can tell you with one-hundred percent certainty he is “dying for some hugs”, as Kao-kun’s crass vocabulary phrased it.”

"I don't want to hear from someone like you that my vocabulary is crass."

“Guys, I want to believe that’s true, but I don’t know…” Chiaki slumps in his seat and groans. “I kind of hope it isn’t, because I’d really feel like a stupid jerk if I’ve been ruining our relationship the whole time it’s existed by letting some anxiety pull me away from showing him affection.”

“I feel really gross giving out relationship advice to a guy about another guy, but, y’know, the way I see it there’s only one very, very simple solution for your problem,” Hakaze says.

Chiaki scooches closer to Hakaze. “Please tell me what it is. I need your guidance,” he pleads.

Hakaze sighs before grabbing both of Chiaki’s shoulders, looking him sternly in the eyes. “Hug him. Hold his hand.” Hakaze looks away and makes a face. “Go ahead and kiss him, too.”

“Hugs and kisses? Is it that easy? You promise? I can fix things with him that easily?!”

Hakaze lets go of Chiaki. “Promise. It’s that easy.”

Chiaki smiles. “Then I can’t wait until the next time I see him. I’m totally gonna make things right! You guys…! Thank you for forcing me to talk to you about my personal business and feelings even though I was so uncomfortable with it the whole time. I think talking about it and hearing myself say this stuff aloud really made it all click.” Chiaki extends his arms wide open. “Which one of you wants a big hug?!”

A pillow hits Chiaki in the face before he even sees it coming. It came point-blank from Hakaze’s direction, but another one comes from Sena’s direction right after.

Chiaki picks a pillow off of his lap. “Alright, no hugs, but am I still gonna get to hear about you guys’s embarrassing personal lives?”

Hakaze and Sena both throw another pillow at him in unison.

ーー

Chiaki stands in front of a restaurant he hand-picked by himself in wait for his date. He looks down at his phone, hoping to see Kiryu's name flicker on it between constant glances to where he's most likely to appear. Every few minutes he quintuple-checks their texts to make sure he gave him the right directions. While he's right in the middle of it, or more so while he's taking a detour to smile at their older texts, he finds the back of the head of bright red hair he'd been waiting to see in the corner of his eye.

"Kiryu! Over here," Chiaki shouts to get his attention.

Kiryu turns around and smiles at the sight of Chiaki, and he feels his heart skip a beat. Or maybe it picks up an extra beat?

Chiaki can't manage to wipe off the dumb, overenthusiastic smile that sat itself on his face before Kiryu catches up to him and stands beside him. "I'm so glad to see you," Chiaki says. "I don't know how I managed to go so long without seeing that face of yours."

"I missed you, too. It's funny how a week can feel like forever now." Kiryu looks up at the building behind Chiaki. "This where we're goin' to tonight?"

"Yes! I'm really, really excited to take you here. I really think you're going to like it."

With their date underway, Chiaki finally starts to relax a little. Finding the space for a date to fit into the schedules of two working adults is absurdly difficult, especially when you're wracked with time sensitive guilt. Chiaki was laid flat on a bed of pins and needles for the past few days while he waited to put his new relationship fixing lessons to work. Chiaki's just grateful that all he has to do to hook Kiryu into a date is to say he has the night off and he misses him.

They agreed previously to dinner and a movie, which reigns supreme at the top of the leaderboard for the date they've went on the most. They leave the restaurant to go to the theater, and within no time at all they're outside of it again.

“That was so thrilling! I never would’ve even thought to pick that movie myself, but it was so, so good. I don’t think I could live with myself if I knew I’d missed out on that,” Chiaki says.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. To be honest, I was real nervous when you of all people suggested that I pick what we were gonna watch. Timing was good, fortunately, ‘cuz I’ve been waiting for that to come out for awhile,” Kiryu says.

“I think this was a refreshing change of pace. I picked the food, and you picked the movie. It’s crazy, like it’s opposite day!”

“What’s crazy is that you took me to an actual restaurant.” Kiryu sighs with content. “I’m still full even after that movie.”

Chiaki looks at Kiryu with a bittersweet smile. “I guess our exciting night's over by now, huh.”

“Not exactly.” Kiryu smiles. “It’s already dark as hell, so lemme walk you home.”

Chiaki and Kiryu start their walk to Chiaki’s place. With the familiar, comforting feeling floating in the air and all the words of encouragement from his friends in mind, Chiaki is determined to get this walk right. In the restaurant, Chiaki had the excuse of a hundred witnesses keeping him from making a move, but he couldn't come up with one for sitting through the whole movie without so much as gracing his hands against Kiryu's other than something stupid about how he was enjoying the movie too much. Walking on a poorly lit backroad with Kiryu in the cold leaves him no excuses at all. He can't mess this up again.

He watches Kiryu carefully, his eyes flicking over to his direction just often enough to, hopefully, not seem weird. He watches the way his features fade and return in between the light of the street lamps. He considers pulling him in close and kissing him each time they step into the darkest points, but his body shakes each time the opportunity comes up. He figures it's better to build a bridge over a chasm than to drive a speeding car up a ramp and pray not to die on the way down.

Deeming Kiryu’s face off-limits, Chiaki fixes his gaze further down to his hand. It’s his most familiar target, but familiarity wins him no favor in this battle. His right and closest hand is stuffed halfway into one of the pockets in his jeans. Chiaki hangs his head back to investigate his other hand, but it’s buried even further in his pocket than the right.

Chiaki’s sight floats back up to his arms. His arms are loaded with potential. Chiaki can force one of his arms in through the opening between it and Kiryu’s side, or he can make it a more subtle touch by grasping his elbow with his hand, maybe even his forearm, he can even forget about Kiryu’s arm and use his own to hang over Kiryu’s shoulder, or to pull him in close from his other side.

A thousand ideas punch and kick each other out of the equation leaving Chiaki to struggle finding the perfect one to execute at the perfect time. He looks away from Kiryu to look in front of them and sees his complex is close enough to throw a stick at, and they’re in front of it before he can even be disappointed in himself.

“You want me to walk you to the door today?” Kiryu asks.

Chiaki perks up. “Yes, please! We can take the elevator this time if the stairs bothered you.”

“Nah, they aren’t that bad. These days I need the exercise.”

“Ah, you fell for it again!”

Kiryu clicks his tongue before chuckling soft enough to barely be audible. “Whatever. I’m not in any rush to leave you tonight.”

Chiaki bounces up the stairs with Kiryu right behind him. His back-up plan, or rather his real plan, started to unfold before his eyes even without his own input. Chiaki hops up the last step, stops in front of his door and turns back to Kiryu.

“We’re here.”

Kiryu stops a foot in front of Chiaki. “Mm. Yeah.”

“Kiryu… Do you have to leave? Like, do you have any other plans?”

“Plans? I’ve been nothing but transparent with you today. I’m free no matter how I look at it.”

Chiaki’s last chance is right in front of him and he doesn’t intend to let it go. “Feel free to tell me no, but… Do you want to come inside?”

Kiryu smiles. “Of course I do. Don’t be so dramatic.”

Chiaki unlocks the door, steps inside and slips off his shoes. Kiryu throws off his shoes, hangs up his jacket, walks over to the couch and plops down in the center of it. Chiaki feels disappointment pang throughout his brain.

“No matter how many times I sit on it, I still love your couch.”

“Really? I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about it. I guess I won’t try to separate you two after all!”

Kiryu looks at Chiaki from over the back of the couch. “What d’you mean?”

“Huh? I just thought…” Chiaki slinks his jacket off his shoulders and throws it on the back of the couch. “I was thinking we could hang out in my bedroom, but this is just as nice.”

“Seriously?” Kiryu jumps up to his feet. “Fuck this. I wanna be in your room instead.”

“You’re sure?!”

“Hundred percent. You’ve never let me in there before.”

“If I knew you wanted to come in I would’ve let you, you know!” Chiaki slides his bedroom door open and turns on the light. “I didn’t plan this before I left the house, so I hope it isn’t too messy in here.”

Kiryu pinpoints the bed and jumps straight on it, settling down on his back with his head on the pillow. “I don’t see a mess in here.”

“That’s good, then! I’m relieved.” Chiaki wanders over to his shelf of DVDs. “Do you feel like watching another movie?”

“Hm?” Kiryu looks over at the television on the opposite wall. “Oh, dunno why I’m surprised you got a TV in your room too. Do you have anything on that shelf that’s not about heroes?”

“No.”

Kiryu chuckles. “Thought so. I wanna watch something that’s new for the both of us, though. It’s pretty close to a new hour, so we can probably just find something interesting on TV.”

“That sounds nice.” Chiaki walks over to his bed and smacks Kiryu’s leg. “But there’s no space for me if you’re laying down like that!”

“Sorry.” Kiryu scrunches his legs up to his body. “You can sit down.”

Chiaki sits down. “If you get cold, let me know and Iー” Kiryu extends his legs back out on top of Chiaki’s. Chiaki looks at Kiryu with his eyes wide.

“What? Is this not okay?”

“It’s fine! It’s just…” Chiaki covers his face with one of his hands and turns on the TV. “Nothing. It’s fine. I’ve got a heater in here, is all I wanted to say.”

Kiryu turns over to lay partially on his side. They agree on what movie seems interesting quickly and ease into a pleasant, commentaryless silence while they watch. Chiaki’s ability to stay focused on a television is nothing to sneeze at, but the comfort of Kiryu’s legs resting on his own is something he can’t ignore. The way he so casually pulled off something Chiaki has been overthinking all night and for the last two _months_ forces him to realize something that frustrates him. He rests his palms on Kiryu’s legs, gently drags his fingers over them, and he doesn’t even flinch at the touch. Hakaze and Sena were right. Completely, utterly, frustratingly right.

Kiryu, just like when Chiaki confessed to him, has been waiting ages for the first move Chiaki never made. It’s so obvious to him now, he can hear Kiryu’s voice in his head telling him exactly that. That he was waiting, but Chiaki never showed.

The frustration comes out more potent than Chiaki could’ve imagined. It hurts him to think of all the time Kiryu spent with him, begging for him to notice his feelings and return them. He begged, but with no words. Without so much as a sign. He can’t bear it any longer.

“Kiryu?” Chiaki blurts out half an hour into the movie.

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course.”

“The truth is… Um, I’ve been…” Chiaki’s eyes betray him and stray over to Kiryu’s hands. The rug that serves as his train of thought is yanked out from underneath him. “Can I hold your hand?”

After one single moment of hesitation, Kiryu rolls over to lay flat again and reaches his hand out to Chiaki. Chiaki grabs it with his opposite hand, places it where Kiryu’s legs meet his lap and squeezes it tight. Though his hand is warm it almost feels cool to the touch compared to his own, and feeling their combined warmth is enough to make his brain melt down like chocolate into a mold. He grabs it with his other hand and rubs the back with his fingers.

“This is really nice,” Chiaki breathes out.

“Is this what you wanted to talk about?”

“In a way, yeah. I had more to say, though, I just… I’m getting distracted.”

“You don’t have to hold anything back. I want you to tell me whatever’s on your mind.”

“I know.” Chiaki’s eyes are glued to the hand he’s playing with. He exhales a deep breath he didn't notice he took in. “I’ve been too scared to do anything like this, you know, things like holding your hand, because I didn’t know what was okay or how you would react to it. I’ve…”

“What? Is that what this has all been about?”

Chiaki’s eyes are forcibly ripped from Kiryu’s hand as it’s retracted from his grip. His face exposes his surprise from the sternness in Kiryu’s voice.

“You’ve been acting so damn weird ‘cuz you thought I was gonna blow up on you or something? I don’t get it.”

“No, it isn’t necessarily that I thought you’d be mad! It’s that, I thought that if I did the wrong thing that you would get weirded out and then you wouldn’t like me anymore.”

“You thought I wouldn’t like you anymore… Do you have any idea how I feel?”

“Huh?”

Kiryu sits himself up on his arms and takes a deep breath. “When you cut out all the shit you usually did from me and _only_ me like that, I was convinced you decided you’d made some big mistake by getting involved with me. Like you realized you didn’t like me after all.”

“No! No, it’s not like that. I’m sorry.”

“That seriously pisses me off. I’ve done everything I can to try and get you to trust me like I trust you, to talk to me whenever something’s wrong, but of course it turns out that you just shut me out like you always do.” Kiryu drops back down and runs one of his hands through his hair. “You wouldn’t look at me, you wouldn’t stand too close to me, you haven’t even told me you love me like you always used to.”

Chiaki scrambles to face Kiryu, hovering over him on his hands and knees. “I’m sorry, I promise I love you. I love you even more now than I used to.”

“I know, but it hurts. It hurts because I love you so much and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when you won’t let me in. You won’t even let me in when I’m literally your problem.”

“I’m sorry, don’t say it like that… I’ll admit, I didn’t stop to think about how you felt until a few days ago, and even then… I guess I still didn’t get it at all.” Chiaki pushes himself up to sit on his knees. His hands find Kiryu’s free hand again and squeeze it tighter than before. “It was stupid and irresponsible to try and keep this from you for so long. Is there any way I can make it up to you now?”

Kiryu pouts on the pillow and stares at the ceiling.

Chiaki squeezes his hand tighter than he thought he was capable of. “ _Please_ can I make it up to you? I’ll do anything.”

Kiryu sighs and forcibly retracts his hand from Chiaki again. He holds his arms out wide and claps his fingers against his palms. “Come here.”

Chiaki, devolving into a grin, dives onto Kiryu’s chest and wraps him tight in his arms. Kiryu hugs him right back, squeezing him tight before one of his hands leave to bury itself in Chiaki’s hair and hold him as close as he can get. It’s warm, so impossibly warm that Chiaki is shocked he’s ever lived outside of the comfort of laying on top of Kiryu in his own bed.

“I can’t believe you deprived me of this.” Kiryu’s voice is soft against his ears again, sounding just short of laughter. Chiaki feels not only the warmth of his breath, but a smile teasing against his skin. “I’ve never been this comfortable before.”

“I’m sorry,” Chiaki repeats. Chiaki pulls back as far as Kiryu’s hand will let him, which isn’t far at all, and marvels at the skin of Kiryu’s neck. He’d spent so long fantasizing earlier he falls back into it with ease, because there’s nothing that could look better on his neck than his lips would. He doesn’t chance it, but rather he pulls himself up further to whisper in Kiryu’s ear. “Am I allowed to do something worse than holding you?”

“As long as it’s you and me, I couldn’t give two shits what you do.”

Chiaki peels himself off of Kiryu. Kiryu’s hand slides down from its perch and settles on Chiaki’s back. While one of Chiaki’s arms stays wrapped around Kiryu the other comes down to cup Kiryu’s cheek in his hand, and Chiaki leans down slow to press his lips against Kiryu’s.

The bad thing is Chiaki doesn’t know the first thing about kissing. He’d always thought his first kiss would be long, tender, like it could last forever if he wasn’t careful, but their lips part as quick as they came together and he still feels like he overstayed his welcome. It was warm, soft, and magical, but still nothing like he expected. It wasn’t worse than his imagination geared himself up for, not by a long shot, but it was completely different.

One of Kiryu’s hands finds its way back behind Chiaki’s head and he tightens both his hands’s grip on Chiaki. Chiaki’s shirt hikes up an inch or two and he winces from the sudden introduction of cold air on his back before he’s cut off by Kiryu pushing Chiaki’s mouth back down against his.

And so after their first kiss follows their second, their third, and their fourth. They kiss over and over and over again. The momentum of all their kisses finds their mouths opening slightly, so very slightly, but the part of Kiryu’s lips makes Chiaki feel as welcome as a well-known celebrity on the set of a mediocre TV show. He sticks his tongue out a little just to gauge Kiryu's reaction, and when he doesn't get one his tongue slips into the opening without much more thought. Kiryu makes kind of a weird, strained sound but plays right along. This is closer to what Chiaki expected, the long, passionate kiss that just doesn't stop. Only God knows how many times their tongues collide before Chiaki pulls away.

Chiaki props himself back up on his hands with his eyes shut tight, his face too red to risk taking in the scene unfolding around him. The hand buried in his hair feels its way down to his shoulder, and Chiaki peeks one of his eyes open to see Kiryu has the same _keep your eyes closed for the love of God_ idea he did. He opens both eyes halfway and fixates on Kiryu. The look on his face is indescribable, but he risks describing it anyway.

He has this pink tinge all across his face and his eyes are shut tighter than he’s seen on his face before. He isn’t necessarily panting, but his breaths are ragged enough where Chiaki can watch his chest move along with each one. Chiaki doesn’t stop admiring him even after his eyes open back up and Kiryu squints to gaze back up into Chiaki’s eyes. The smile on his face can't be called anything but perfect. Chiaki moves to caress his cheek and Kiryu’s eyes close again at his touch. Kiryu and his face receive Chiaki’s undivided attention for a fair chunk of time before his eyes start to wander around. They start on his hair, which is almost disappointingly put together, moving down to the piercings Chiaki has spent so much time ogling in the past, over to the TV, his chest, back to the TV…

Chiaki forgot something very important.

“Kiryu,” Chiaki whispers.

“Mm?” Kiryu replies, eyes still closed in bliss.

“I wanna see how this ends.”

Kiryu sits up to close the gap between them and pecks Chiaki’s lips. “Me too.”

“Mm. That’s really nice, but I meant the movie.”

“Oh.”

Chiaki flops down, settles his head on Kiryu’s chest and chuckles. “It’s okay! We can kiss more later.”

Kiryu groans, but with a smile on his face. “You don’t need’a say it like that.”

Chiaki sighs with relief and gets back into the movie. Hopefully nothing important happened in the time they were too caught up swapping spit to pay attention to what was actually proving to be an interesting movie.

“Uh… were you paying attention to this at all? ‘Cuz I got no idea who some of these people are. Do we know them yet?”

A pit settles in Chiaki’s stomach. They seem to have missed more of the movie than initially anticipated. “I don’t know who they are either. They seem like their characters have already been established, though…!”

“We fucked up the movie.”

“I was getting into this one, too…” Chiaki whines. “Oh, well. Do you want to watch something else? We’ve got plenty of time, if… you want to stay here tonight.”

“‘Course I do. I wasn’t sure if I was still expected to leave or not. Didn’t wanna ask at this point.”

“You didn’t wanna ask, huh…”

“It’s a weird situation, isn’t it? It’s like, “Thanks for making out with me in your bed ‘til midnight, but am I gonna be sleeping here or what?””

“But it isn’t even eleven yet.”

“I like the sound of making out ‘til midnight better.”

Chiaki buries his face in Kiryu’s shirt and whines. “I can’t take it. Stop saying that.”

Kiryu sneaks his hand under Chiaki’s shirt and rubs his back, but Chiaki can’t find it in himself to react. “Sorry.”

“I don’t get how you can just come out and say it like that…” Chiaki takes a sharp breath. “I don’t get how you can admit one second that you don’t want to ask me about stuff regarding _us_ and then talk about it crassly like it’s nothing a second later. It’s like… it makes me feel like… what was the hold up for?”

Kiryu’s hand stops in its tracks. “What’d’you mean?”

“Look, Kiryu… I’ve probably hurt you a thousand times in just this month alone, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s fair that you’ve left everything to me in the first place. Everything’s been on my shoulders this whole time and I didn’t have a clue. You admitted to it just now, right? That you don’t want to ask me anything. Hasn’t it been like that even before I tripped over myself trying to tell you how I feel about you?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate it, but sorry’s not what I want to hear right now. I just don’t want there to be these unspoken rules between us. If everything’s going to be left up to me, I want a fair warning. I want us to go through this together, instead of both of us fumbling around in the dark trying to find each other. If you’ve wanted to hold me like this for so long, why couldn’t you just ask if I was all right with it? If you’re insecure about how I’m feeling, why don’t we talk about it?”

“It’s not complicated. I’ve been scared. I was lucky enough to get this far, even though you’ve never done anything like this with a guy before, and I was walking on eggshells to try ‘nd keep hold of you. I didn’t wanna take any chances scarin’ you off.”

“I know. I understand how you feel, but while you were trying to stay non-threatening you were starting to breed contempt for me, weren’t you? You were coming up with all this stuff about me not liking you in your head, and you lashed out at me for reaching out. It hurts. Even if it ended up all nice, everything I was afraid of came to life in front of me.”

Kiryu lets out a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, because I love you. I love you so, so much, so… If I’m getting in trouble for not communicating properly with you, then I need to hold you accountable too. I need you to promise I won’t have to play guessing games with you, even if it scares you to the point of shaking. I don’t want you to ever tell me something like “I was planning to keep my crush on you a secret to my grave” ever again.”

Kiryu grimaces. “I promise, but…”

“No buts!”

“Buts, ‘cuz that’s not a fair example. That was completely different. Neither of us would’ve known if you’d be cool enough with it to not shut me out until it was already too late.”

“I would’ve liked to have an opportunity to figure that out. I’ve been confused and twisted up inside for a long time now. I didn’t realize I was… that I liked men overnight. I didn’t have anybody to talk to about it except you, but I couldn’t even bear to take that risk. You made me feel so… you made me feel like nobody ever did before.” 

Kiryu opens his mouth to respond, but doesn’t.

“You always end up talking about how I am, or how I was, straight, but… you know, I’ve never done any of this stuff before, even with a girl. I haven’t kissed anybody, and I haven’t ever been in love. I’m finally starting to feel like I understand myself, and you’ve been there for me every step of the way. Please, keep walking at my pace. I can’t do it without you. I never could, and I never will…”

“Don’t say it like that. It breaks my heart to hear it laid out like that.”

Tears bubble up in Chiaki’s eyes and drip onto Kiryu’s shirt. “I know it is, but it feels nice.” Chiaki sniffles. “I’ve pent this up for a long time.”

Kiryu lifts up Chiaki’s face and wipes at his tears. “I’m sorry. I can never say it enough.”

“I already told you I don’t want you to say you’re sorry.”

Kiryu pulls Chiaki close and kisses him. It’s a lovely sensation of tender and soft all over again before they part with a mess of tears splattered over both their faces. “I love you, then. I love you so much.”

Kiryu tries to pull away and Chiaki pulls him back in.

A few kisses later they’re right back to where they were before, desperately struggling to keep their bodies pressed tight together and their tongues in each other’s mouths. Within a dozen small and convoluted movements on both sides their position shifts to lay Chiaki flat with his back against the bed, and their lips part for good.

Chiaki flops one side of his face into his pillow. He feels like his face could melt into it, or maybe more so through it with how hot it is. “I ended up saying way too much. Can you forget some of that? You can even forget all of it, if you want, I don’t mind.”

Kiryu sits himself upright on Chiaki’s waist. He drops his weight down on Chiaki and he sputters from the wind getting knocked out from him. “Ain’t a chance in hell I’m gonna forget any of it, even if you beg me to. Every word’s the most important thing I ever heard.”

Chiaki groans with air he didn’t realize survived in his lungs. “I don’t know whether I should say you’re being nice or mean to me right now…”

Kiryu smiles wide, giving away the answer Chiaki had all along for the low, low payment of free. “Do you even know how special it makes me feel that there’s this sweet, vulnerable side of you that belongs with no one but me?”

Chiaki doesn’t respond, straightens his mouth as much as he can manage and closes his eyes. Kiryu leans over to reach out and run his hands through Chiaki’s hair, and the residual tears swishing at the dam of his eyes come out slow, neat and clean.

ーー

Two months later, Chiaki catches the same smile on Kiryu’s face that had been burned into his memory before.

“Don’t laugh! It’s not funny,” Chiaki shouts through the poorly lit night air.

That intoxicating look still sits on Kiryu’s face, barely covered by the scarf Chiaki lent him that he never got back. “It’s not funny,” Kiryu reaffirms. His gorgeous open-mouth smile is replaced by a crackled up excuse of a straight line when he closes up his lips. “I’m not laughin’.”

“I told you that in confidence!” Chiaki smacks Kiryu’s arm. “You suck.”

“I know, ‘m sorry, will it make you feel better if you scream right by my ear some more?” Kiryu’s eyes slide over to catch Chiaki’s. “You look so damn cute when you’re mad, the worst thing that can happen to me right now is I get to see your flustered face for longer.”

Chiaki’s eyes widen for a moment before he looks to the ground and pouts. “If you’re enjoying this so much then I’ll never talk again. Yeah, that's right. I’m just _that_ devastated.”

Kiryu lets out a low, brief chuckle instead of a response. Chiaki watches the road closely for dramatic effect. Even after all the times they’d went down the same backroad together, he manages to find new details on the asphalt. From splotches of paint that don’t match any others on it, abandoned cigarette butts and chewed up gum, to the shoelace that Chiaki thought he double-knotted waving loose, it's hard to believe that none of those things were there before. The truth is all of it could’ve been there each and every time they’d went down this road, and it would be impossible for him to know, because it’s hard to notice things so trivial and somewhat upsetting until you pretend to be mad at someone you love so much just to keep seeing your favorite smile for a few minutes longer. It’s the first time Chiaki has prioritized anything over looking over at him.

Chiaki takes his eyes off the road and puts them back on Kiryu. He notices Kiryu’s bare hand is shoved into the pocket of his jacket, the same as his. He eyes him up and down for a minute before taking his hand out of his own pocket and slipping it into Kiryu’s pocket and, subsequently, his hand. Kiryu didn’t seem like he stopped smiling during the time Chiaki hadn’t been watching him, but his smile exposes his teeth again when he squeezes Chiaki’s hand.

Chiaki watches him intently. “Kiryu?” He asks.

“Mm?” Kiryu responds.

“I was just pretending to be mad.”

“I know.”

“I’m glad you thought my story was funny.”

“You’re not just okay with it, but you’re glad now?”

“Yeah. I wouldn't have told you otherwise. I just wanted to see you laugh.”

Kiryu stops in the darkest point between two street lamps and Chiaki stops with him. Kiryu takes both of their hands out of his pocket and lets go. Chiaki, confused, looks to his face for answers, but he can hardly see his fine details in the dark without his glasses.

“Is something wrong? It’s dark here.”

Chiaki makes out Kiryu facing towards him and looking shiftily in both directions.

“Kiryu? Whー”

Kiryu pins Chiaki against the fence behind him and catches his lips with his own. After his brain takes a good moment to assess what’s happening, Chiaki moves one of his arms to rest on Kiryu’s back and the other lays on the back of Kiryu’s neck. Chiaki pulls him closer among a barrage of kisses. Though as soon as Kiryu's tongue laps at Chiaki's lip, Chiaki stops him by pushing him away ever-so slightly.

“You’re staying at my place tonight, right?”

Kiryu stops to think it over even though he’s obviously pretending. "Yeah…” He smiles. “If I stay the night I’m gonna have to borrow that pair of sweatpants that’re too big on you, though.”

Chiaki laughs. “Of course. I should’ve known you were going to say that.”

“I need that blue t-shirt I really like, too.”

“You never gave that one back!”

“Really? Shit, 'm sorry.”

“Don’t pretend you're broken up over it.”

Kiryu chuckles. “I'm sad I won't be able to wear it to bed with you tonight.”

Seeing his smile again and so much closer makes Chiaki’s whole body relax, as if he’s at peace with the world. Kiryu gives him one last kiss before they're back on the road. Chiaki's hand finds its way back in Kiryu's pocket, and he really thinks that this is what peace feels like. Walking with fingers intertwined, wedged between two interconnected hearts pouring love for the other out of every little opening, saying the words that are on his mind instead of something carefully constructed to reflect the best image of himself.

To feel safe, loved, and known, even if only by one person in the whole world.

That's just what he _thinks_ , but what he knows is that he never wants nights like this with Kiryu to end.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm finally done with this!! my last fic hit the record of the longest thing i've finished, and then this one kept.. spiraling.. and then it ended up double the length of the other one.. but i'm really satisfied with it! unfortunately my brain refused to write my other Really Long work in progress until i finished this, but FINGERS CROSSED i'll finish it by the end of the year!


End file.
